1. Exclusion
What is it: When a game developer puts "blockers" on their game that don't need to be there and keep certain people from playing. Kind of like "online only" or "system link required".
Who is guilty: Diablo III, Sim City, Dead Island
Why: Though art guilty of putting hurdles in front of well meaning gamers to keep them from enjoying thine gift. Tis a self destruction upon thine own house to force a gamer to not partake in commerce toward thine creation because of lack of internet or lack of split screen. This be a sin of folly and most certainly a non generous act.
2. Sloth
What evil is this: A game that is filled with potential and gamer delight ends up being a $60 crap trap. Such a huge disappointment is expected in gaming, but some games make us wonder how they could have failed so hard.
Guilty: Aliens Colonial Marines and Tekken Prime 3D
Why: Such glory had your enterprise taken, but thine own flesh was lacking. Thy had boasted of such great potential, showing thy whorish demos and promising only what the devil could produce. Then like lightning, your creation fell like Satan. Thine graphics sucked, thy modes were lackluster and thy story was boring. You have tarnished the working man's pay.
3. Greed:
What: When a game tries to flush the money out of a gamer in order to win or get prizes that normal games would give for free. A "free" game where it is impossible to succeed without paying extra money.
Guilty: DC Online, Candy Crush, Anything by Glu Games
Why: With open arms you take us into your home for sanctuary. You promise the great wonders and splendor beyond all joy. We, the lowly lambs, follow into thy level progression. Then, when we are hooked, you pull the wool over our eyes and charge us many pence for such wickedness as "extra diamonds", "unlocked guns", "level grinding" and "new gear". We are stuck with an empty bottle and sadness takes our souls.
4. Consoles that act like Computers
What: When a system tries to enforce new strategies like disc installing, 24/7 online, heavy GB usage, no used copies, lack of local multiplayer and constant updating
Guilty: PS3 and Maybe Xbox 720
Why: Oh how I long for the simple days when a console was unchained and unfettered against the restrictions of the law of computers. When a game was a cartridge that took no burden upon thy system. I long for a time when a friend had a face with no ill will to mock thy mother over the microphones. The gamer of old did not cry out for more gigs of space nor did he have to worry about buying the cursed online pass to play against the evil online foes. Life was much simpler then this taxing weight upon our backs.
5. Vileness
What: When a game tries too hard to be "adult" and ends up ruining the story or attracting the worst kinds of demographics.
Guilty: Call of Duty Black Ops, Dead or Alive Series, Any RPG that tries to put "armor" on females and GTA
Why: Cursed be your genitals foul developer. From the pits of Japan you have brought upon a perversion. Are not women real creatures; real breathing and gentle humans who deserveth our respect? Why does thou make her flesh and submission to men. She is not to be bought and sold to the libido of males. You who make a foul dollar for thine filth. And Cursed be the developer who tries to make the weak cry out in shame for pointless bloodlust. We are not savages, we are sportsmen. We play for honor and nobility. Why does thou ask us to be vile?
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Rights of Gizmag[/caption]6. Addiction
What: This is a self inflicted sin, where gamers are spending too much time being gamers and missing out on the finer things of life.
Guilty: Us
Why: Tis a humbling experience to be sucked into the Jezebel temptation of video gaming. We are promised such stimulation and power, but at the price of our loyalty. It is quite easy to forget the beauty of a day or the wonders of human interaction when we are tethered to the box that asks for so much. Weak willed humanity. Go forth and enjoy God's creation. Tis not only video games. Write thy blog, kiss thy girlfriend or visit thy parents. Do not be constricted to the video games and let thy day escape thee.
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