Why Steam Deserves To Be Your New Console!

Do you know that romantic comedy cliche where the young twenty something chick has to choose between the good looking jerk or the wealthy foreign dude?  Then in a sudden twist she finds out that her best friend, Todd, has been the one the whole time.  That is your relationship with Steam.  While we were fretting over which Xbox or Playstation to get, Steam sat quietly promising to console you in your darkest hour.  Not once did it charge you for online capabilities and it doesn't get jealous if you use its Netflix.

5.  Backwards Compatible In Its Truest Sense

Steam did something smart.  It stuck to one media format for all its games-The digital download.  And because you have that one media format you never have to worry about your games becoming obsolete.  Your system can still play Max Payne, Serious Sam and Doom 3 like it was the day you first bought it.  No system can ever promise that longevity.  And Steam has cloud saves, which means you can still keep your progress in a game even though you switch computers.

The CD or the game cartridge are no longer the golden standard that sits above the PC.  Now that next gen systems have to find updates, install data, use up gigs and store to the hard drive it doesn't make it much more of an advantage.

Toaster not included.

4.  The Perfect Balance of Internet Capability

Did we mention that Steam is 1 of 2 game networks on the market that does not require 60 bucks a year?  The other system has an Italian plumber as its mascot.  Steam could also be a real jerk about being an online digital company and make some rule like, "your computer must be online at all times in order to play."  But Valve has a heart and a love for the Tiny Tim in us all.

3. The Thin Line Between Console and PC is Closing

It used to be clear as day to whether you were a PC gamer or a console gamer.  If you wanted 2D adventures, fighters and beatem' ups you went with console, if you wanted games that would make Star Trek engineers cry you went with computer.  That is no longer the case as more and more varieties of games are being ported to Steam.  Don't want to use your mouse?  Fine, be that way!  But also remember that a startling amount of Steam games are becoming gamepad compatible.  The Steam Box is also coming out with a controller that will take the place of your keyboard and mouse.  As mentioned earlier, the disc drive media is not convenient, fast or easy as it once was so Steam has the advantage.

2. The Issue With Upgrading

You may think to yourself, "Aha, computers must be constantly upgraded and consoles last about 8 years."  But you also have to remember that Steam is not asking you to get a whole new $600 system every 3 years. A strong PC can last 3-4 years before becoming irrelevant.  After those 4 years you can switch out any technical hardware to make the system better.

The mascot...a blue collar engineer with a degree in miming

1.  And Those Prices...

It's Christmas Eve and you turn on your warm and lonely computer to find out that Batman Arkham City is only $5, while the newest indie games are selling for $2.  Who has this power and authority?  It isn't Sony or Microsoft.  It is Valve.

The Six Sins of Modern Game Developing

1. Exclusion

What is it:  When a game developer puts "blockers" on their game that don't need to be there and keep certain people from playing.  Kind of like "online only" or "system link required".

Who is guilty: Diablo III, Sim City, Dead Island

Why: Though art guilty of putting hurdles in front of well meaning gamers to keep them from enjoying thine gift.  Tis a self destruction upon thine own house to force a gamer to not partake in commerce toward thine creation because of lack of internet or lack of split screen.  This be a sin of folly and most certainly a non generous act.



2. Sloth

What evil is this:  A game that is filled with potential and gamer delight ends up being a $60 crap trap.  Such a huge disappointment is expected in gaming, but some games make us wonder how they could have failed so hard.

Guilty: Aliens Colonial Marines and Tekken Prime 3D

Why:  Such glory had your enterprise taken, but thine own flesh was lacking.  Thy had boasted of such great potential, showing thy whorish demos and promising only what the devil could produce.  Then like lightning, your creation fell like Satan.  Thine graphics sucked, thy modes were lackluster and thy story was boring.  You have tarnished the working man's pay.



3. Greed:

What:  When a game tries to flush the money out of a gamer in order to win or get prizes that normal games would give for free.  A "free" game where it is impossible to succeed without paying extra money.

Guilty: DC Online, Candy Crush, Anything by Glu Games

Why: With open arms you take us into your home for sanctuary.  You promise the great wonders and splendor beyond all joy.  We, the lowly lambs, follow into thy level progression.  Then, when we are hooked, you pull the wool over our eyes and charge us many pence for such wickedness as "extra diamonds", "unlocked guns", "level grinding" and "new gear".  We are stuck with an empty bottle and sadness takes our souls.



4. Consoles that act like Computers

What: When a system tries to enforce new strategies like disc installing, 24/7 online, heavy GB usage, no used copies, lack of local multiplayer and constant updating

Guilty: PS3 and Maybe Xbox 720

Why: Oh how I long for the simple days when a console was unchained and unfettered against the restrictions of the law of computers.  When a game was a cartridge that took no burden upon thy system.  I long for a time when a friend had a face with no ill will to mock thy mother over the microphones.  The gamer of old did not cry out for more gigs of space nor did he have to worry about buying the cursed online pass to play against the evil online foes.  Life was much simpler then this taxing weight upon our backs.



5. Vileness

What: When a game tries too hard to be "adult" and ends up ruining the story or attracting the worst kinds of demographics.

Guilty: Call of Duty Black Ops, Dead or Alive Series, Any RPG that tries to put "armor" on females and GTA

Why: Cursed be your genitals foul developer.  From the pits of Japan you have brought upon a perversion.  Are not women real creatures; real breathing and gentle humans who deserveth our respect?  Why does thou make her flesh and submission to men.  She is not to be bought and sold to the libido of males.  You who make a foul dollar for thine filth.  And Cursed be the developer who tries to make the weak cry out in shame for pointless bloodlust.  We are not savages, we are sportsmen.  We play for honor and nobility.  Why does thou ask us to be vile?

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="344"] Rights of Gizmag[/caption]

6. Addiction

What: This is a self inflicted sin, where gamers are spending too much time being gamers and missing out on the finer things of life.

Guilty: Us

Why: Tis a humbling experience to be sucked into the Jezebel temptation of video gaming.  We are promised such stimulation and power, but at the price of our loyalty.  It is quite easy to forget the beauty of a day or the wonders of human interaction when we are tethered to the box that asks for so much.  Weak willed humanity.  Go forth and enjoy God's creation.  Tis not only video games.  Write thy blog, kiss thy girlfriend or visit thy parents.  Do not be constricted to the video games and let thy day escape thee.