The stars aligned perfectly and the moon was in the right position. All signs pointed to this being the best Star Wars movie ever made. Even JJ Abrams, a man who can direct no wrong, insured this would be the best movie of our year. After watching it though I felt a little disappointed. Let me let that sink into your head. I just rejected a Star Wars movie that has made a quarter of a billion dollars in the opening week, has been critically acclaimed by Rotten Tomatoes and has restored faith in George Lucas' vision. Now is a good time to sharpen your pitch forks. But before you gouge me and burn me at the stake, hear me out. This is why I was not impressed with the movie.
1. The intellectual age gap: Over the years I have expected my science fiction space operas to be witty and epic. I want Star Trek to wow me with epic battles, but also try to make me smarter with plot lines of diplomacy. I want Guardians of the Galaxy to tickle my funny bone with one liners and retorts. Star Wars seemed very light on the intellectual story telling. It was almost as if the murkiness of the Republic and the Resistance fighters needed to be so simplified and dumbed down that a 6 year old could understand it. JJ Abrams did not want to throw any twists or curve balls in the mix, he just wanted a simple adventure story where a bunch of darkside villains battle against a bunch of good guys.
2. The Sith sucked: Episodes 1 through 6 have taught me that if you have the name Darth or Sith at the beginning of your name than you are the most monstrous BA the galaxy has ever known. Some sith paint their faces, while others just look like they could strike you down. This new Sith, Kylo Ren, seems like a total bad astronaut at first, but once the mask comes off he becomes whiny. In fact he is like a whiny version of Snape. Why is the most hardcore guy in the universe whining about his feelings, and having temper tantrums? On top of that, discount Snape isn't very good at battle. Yes, he has some nice torture Force moves, but in the end he got beaten by Rey, a noob beginner Jedi with no training and a fear of lightsabers. Furthermore Kylo was trained by Luke Skywalker and has endless training within the Death Planet. Even Darth Vader, a man severely burned and chopped up, gives Luke a fight, but this guy gets beaten by beginner's luck.
3. This was really episode IV: The evil empire searching for a droid, while a young desert dweller slowly becomes a Jedi? Haven't we seen this before. I get it, we are harkening back to the old times when Star Wars felt original. I am not paying twelve dollars so someone could take the old script and add different names.
4. It has that Disney shine: It's hard to tell at first, but you can start to see that this movie has the Disney storytelling engine embedded into the script. When Finn explains why he is helping Poe Dameron escape prison he says the most generic Disney line, "It is the right thing to do." At that moment I knew I wouldn't like Finn because he is just your average uncomplicated hero who easily buys into the good guys are good and the bad guys are bad scheme. He also can easily abstain from killing villagers, but has no problem ending the life of a couple hundred Storm Troopers. I guess when you blow up a Death Planet it is morally acceptable.
In the end, I felt cheated because I thought the movie would appeal to my generation who has witnessed Serenity, Star Trek Into Darkness, Babylon 5 and other great offerings. I never anticipated that this movie would feel more like Disney's Tommorrowland and less like Disney's John Carter. The good news is my wife, who hates science fiction and violent movies, really liked it.
